[…] 5 Years Together

The pain it takes
The blood it drains
All you’re left with is a pale face
And a game no one dares to play.

No special circumstances given
No begging heard
No holiday
No rest
No pain that resembles the rest

In the kingdom of Morpheus I lie bare
Torn out,
Fraction of time stolen,
Never returned, never replaced.

Back into Morpheus’ arms, I hope
For the best.
That hope fills every cell of my fighting body.
A warm flush of blood.
A weapon.

Forgotten.

In the myriad of lightning strikes,
It fails.

Torn again,
I approach you one more time,
I stand on the cracked ice and wait
For the darkness to surround me.

Once again.

Without my permission.
Forced on me.
Given with your most honoured blessing.

You embrace me
Instead.

A victim of your cruelty finally surrenders.
You win.
Yet again.
Remember
I will strike back.
Yet again.

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Fail. Fail again. Fail better

Why are we so afraid of failure?

Since I’ve started my journey with theatre I can remember that I was always afraid to fail. To be bad at what I do. To be a weak performer.  Never to be able to achieve great things. I never trusted my skills and by doing so I never allowed myself to believe that I was, in fact, good at what I did. Funny how by being insecure and uncertain of ourselves we block the smooth running of creativity through our systems and simultaneously become stuck, dull and uncreative. Continue reading

It will bring you luck

I’m quite superstitious. I wear my red fabric bracelet for protection from bad charms. I try not to turn back when I already left the house/room (unless I forget something as important as a jacket in a cold autumn day…). I believe that spilled salt brings argument and sugar happiness. I dread ever breaking a mirror. I either sleep on the side or with my legs crossed to protect myself from a mare (sleep paralysis) that ‘visited’ me few times and I wish it never came back again. Continue reading

Same mistakes

‘Never again’. How often do we say it but then fall into the same traps over and over again. We change jobs for ones that seem a bit better, give us that extra bit of money but in the end are exactly the same. Sometimes we’re afraid to take the extra step forward and leave that nicely wrapped up shit behind, but sometimes it’s just simply not possible to look for anything else. Continue reading