[…] 5 Years Together

The pain it takes
The blood it drains
All you’re left with is a pale face
And a game no one dares to play.

No special circumstances given
No begging heard
No holiday
No rest
No pain that resembles the rest

In the kingdom of Morpheus I lie bare
Torn out,
Fraction of time stolen,
Never returned, never replaced.

Back into Morpheus’ arms, I hope
For the best.
That hope fills every cell of my fighting body.
A warm flush of blood.
A weapon.


In the myriad of lightning strikes,
It fails.

Torn again,
I approach you one more time,
I stand on the cracked ice and wait
For the darkness to surround me.

Once again.

Without my permission.
Forced on me.
Given with your most honoured blessing.

You embrace me

A victim of your cruelty finally surrenders.
You win.
Yet again.
I will strike back.
Yet again.


Fail. Fail again. Fail better

Why are we so afraid of failure?

Since I’ve started my journey with theatre I can remember that I was always afraid to fail. To be bad at what I do. To be a weak performer.  Never to be able to achieve great things. I never trusted my skills and by doing so I never allowed myself to believe that I was, in fact, good at what I did. Funny how by being insecure and uncertain of ourselves we block the smooth running of creativity through our systems and simultaneously become stuck, dull and uncreative. Continue reading

Bachelor of Hard Work

I’ve done quite a few exciting projects recently and it really feels good when instead of working your ass off in that part-time job you despise with all your heart, you actually spend time on growing and expressing yourself creatively. It feels right and fulfilling, even if at the moment half of that work is pro bono. Continue reading


It will bring you luck

I’m quite superstitious. I wear my red fabric bracelet for protection from bad charms. I try not to turn back when I already left the house/room (unless I forget something as important as a jacket in a cold autumn day…). I believe that spilled salt brings argument and sugar happiness. I dread ever breaking a mirror. I either sleep on the side or with my legs crossed to protect myself from a mare (sleep paralysis) that ‘visited’ me few times and I wish it never came back again. Continue reading


Accepting the unavoidable…

This Christmas made me realise how easy it is to lose touch with people we were once very close with. How money, boyfriends and kids can change one’s perception. How a sentence said once jokingly in the past can change your relationship with a relative and a friend. Continue reading


Happy Anniversary.

How many times did you walk into a public toilet after someone and couldn’t stand the smell? How many times did you curse or call someone names because s/he was occupying the toilet for too long? Has the thought of them having a serious chronic disease ever crossed your mind? I bet it didn’t. Continue reading


Same mistakes

‘Never again’. How often do we say it but then fall into the same traps over and over again. We change jobs for ones that seem a bit better, give us that extra bit of money but in the end are exactly the same. Sometimes we’re afraid to take the extra step forward and leave that nicely wrapped up shit behind, but sometimes it’s just simply not possible to look for anything else. Continue reading


Unpaid daily opportunities

Few weeks ago I was asked what would I do if money wasn’t an issue. I replied straight away that I’d go to Japan to train in the Suzuki Method of Acting Training. But would I? There are so many things I want to do in life, train with so many people, visit so many countries, try so many new things. What would I actually choose to do first? Continue reading


I believe I can…

I’ve had a thousand thoughts wandering around my brain for the entire day. How much I hate my part-time job that actually isn’t that bad at all. How I can’t believe in myself as there are always areas that need improvement. How I just can’t seem to appreciate anything that I have achieved in my life. Etcetera, etcetera… Continue reading